unless you can not control it becuase it happens involuntarily as blinking or peeing yourself after a stroke, you can manage anything if you find the way. You are alive, don't waste it because others are not, so you can't waste it lamenting being alive. what is done is done, what wasn't done we could not have done better under the circumstances. fear grips us and it is normal to be afraid. desperation grips us and it is ok to be deperate. so walk away and try to make a better time for yourelf. It is water under the bridge.

YES!, it was bad, but we know that, so what is your point now? can you do something about it? you have two choices: be miserable or be a person. choose.

I understand...

Dear Brian, I am a mother of a wonderful son who loved his country, believed it was his duty to serve, and who when he came home form Iraq was a different man. He too suffered from PTSD. March 16th will mark the one year anniversary of his death by suicide. Please, hang on. Realize that life is full of lessons, and though they are harsh at times, they can evolve into lessons that create a direction in life, or at least a heightened awareness. Me, and my entire family dearly miss my son dearly. He was just such a great guy...just like I'm sure you are. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that you don't matter. That your place in the universe is invisible. Please use what you saw, what you felt, what you dream...into a positive experience that helps others. Please don't take your life. You mattter.

Dee - there was indeed plenty of PTSD after WWII. It manifested itself as alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, broken relationships. It was there but the delayed signs were not as recognized or openly discussed. After WWII jobs were plentiful; in construction, manufacturing, and the auto industry. A returning vet had an easier time finding a new purpose in life. Veterans' organizations were also very strong support; on the national level working for benefits and on the neighborhood level as a place for vets to gather.

There are many references to PTSD suffered by all vets from even WWI and the American Civil War. It had different names like shell shock and battle fatigue.

It was always there, Dee. We saw it in our fathers and grandfathers. Now that we understand it more and are watching our children suffer from it makes it all the more heartrending.

The propensity for PTSD should be tested before deployment or enlistment. Don't tell me they can't detect it. If they can figure out a personality with a test, they can do this.

My first thought upon seeing a picture of this kids face is...to start with...he's incredibly handsome. That picture of him from Parris Isl. shows a young man, vivacious and bright! And then I read the comment (from him supposedly) that he thought he had done the most that he's ever suppose to do by being over seas in a war. That is a sad commentary and sorely wrong. OMG...most of us don't even start really living...until our 30's...and you certainly do not understand life at such a young age. There is a heck of a lot of learning and living to do.

It's obvious from his eyes that he is in pain. And I hope he can get counselling to help him understand he's not alone and he's got an entire life time in front of him...to not only make change...but to be the change. He just needs support. And I hope he gets it.

He might want to give his Rep out there a call and see if they can help him get the help he needs. After all he deserves it for serving our country.

My heart goes out to him and others like him. May he find true peace and joy in Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace. Until the Lord returns there will always be wars and rumors of wars as it says in the Scriptures. That is because of the fall of man into sin. But Jesus has promised to come back for His chosen people and take us to be with Him; in the new heaven and earth where there will be no more sadness, sin, or fighting.

Brian,

If you read this, please don't commit suicide. I lost my son to suicide and the pain for your family will be unbearable. The pain and trauma you are in now will ease. Please get help. You are worth it. And "Thank you" for helping to protect us all.

I know I could not have endured, bless these guys for doing the best they can.

Linda...blessings to you! Said perfectly! He is soooo worth it! :)

The price of war is always being paid by the grunts who is conned by politicians who avoid doing there duty and with grandstanding and regugetating patriotic slogans that you have to do your patriotic duty and must die for king and country.

Think about ALL the boys coming back that have been sold a piece of real estate in the swamp of Florida but some crooked politicians.

Thank the boys for having done their job and made sacrifices while the politicians who created this mess are all getting rich from that while sitting safe on their fat as*es in Washington.

Vote Ron Paul

I have never been in the military. My father, an immigrant who came here when he was 25 to go to school, suggested when I was a kid I should join the Marines. I never did and I'll regret it the rest of my life.

People are always saying what heros my co-workers and I are but IMHO we are nothing compared to the Men and Women serving this country in the military.

We do owe them something more than a salary. At least the care to get through things like PTSD.

God bless this man and all like him...Thanks Brian!

I respect the man immensely and understand - or think and feel I do - what he is going through. Adrenaline and facing death every moment can affect a person profoundly. Until you have been through what he has you really don't have a thought to share worth anything. He deserves and needs the support of those he went through this for, use Americans. He put his being and existence in the way of our protection.

"I didn't realize it because I was living it..."

Sheesh, that one hit home.

I remember an old professor of mine, in college, once remarking that "the creature least likely to understand the nature of the fishbowl is the fish" and I saw that same thing play out with my former son-in-law after he returned from multiple, virtually back to back tours of Iraq and Afghanistan. He was out of control and out of his mind and you couldn't reach him because the experience of those wars had become his fishbowl and he was still living it. It cost him his marriage, tho' we (incl. my daughter/his wife) continue to be friends, now that he has started to come out of it (a process not helped by the VA, which shunted him aside without any attempt to help), but it was painful to watch, all the more so because you knew he was an unwitting and unknowing victim of impulses and psychopathologies he didn't even know existed.

And then, not six months ago, I got my own shock, during a casual telephone conversation with my younger brother. Something came up about my former son-in-law's experience and my brother remarked that I, too, had been "effin' crazy for the first six months after you got back. You were totally nuts. We didn't know what to do with you." I was incredulous. I never knew. I had no clue. None. For almost 40 years, I'd thought I'd come back and gotten out and done just fine. And it was suddenly scary to be told that, at some point in my life, I apparently had but a tenuous connection with reality and hadn't so much as suspected it. So when this poor gentleman says that he didn't realize it because he was living it, I believe him, because, apparently, I'd been there too.

NO soldier, sailor, Marine, or airman should ever be discharged without a psychological assessment. If the experience was bad enough, then they are in no position to even suspect, let alone to realize what is going on mentally and emotionally. They certainly are not in position to cope.

Maybe we didn't know enough about PTSD during Viet Nam to anticipate the problem, but we don't have that excuse when it comes to our current veterans, yet they, too, continue to be discharged and discarded. Having done their duty, they have exhausted the government's concern with them. It's far more fashionable to worry about a bunch of Marines caught pee'ing on some Taliban dead. Nobody cares that the government has done the same to our vets.

It never ceases to amaze me what I read on these blogs. It's no wonder this country is on it's last leg. Being an American must not be a privilege any more, I guess it's a right...to some.

This guy should never have been allowed to enlist. His reaction clearly indicates a predisposition for anxiety (and other emotional) disorders.

In a few years we will hear the same song that is always song about vets like this "why these guys don't know what rough really is because they didn't go through what the boys in (name your war) did!"

Brian, wishing you the best in finding your way. I can't imagine what you've been through. My FIL served in the Korean War and all of my uncles served and my son now too. I wish you strength and hope. I think your fish tank and dog are just awesome and hope they are a comfort to you. Hope you find a nice lady some day who treats you like you deserve to be treated - you deserve kindness and love in your life. It's a circle and eventually gives back. The world needs you and you are here for a reason...you just might not understand it all yet. Sending good thoughts.

My Dad was in the military for 28 years and went to Vietnam. I remember as a child, that he had a hard time with what he experienced after he came home. My Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's years ago and now he cannot do anything for himself. He requires 24 hour care. The military this past year or so finally recognized Agent Orange as a related cause of his Parkinsons. Funny thing is if my Dad had it all over to do again even with how much he struggles to live ever day, he still would not change anything. I profoundly admire my Dad for his sacrifice for our county. There is a special place I hold in my heart for anyone that has served in the military and struggles with PTSD, any emotional and or physical disabilities. Every citizen in this county owes you a huge debt of gratitude,and any kind of help if needed. It may seem like we don't care and maybe some don't but there are so many more that do. I hope with anyone struggling, you find a way to find meaning and purpose in your life. You owe it to yourself. God Bless You Always.

Shame in MSNBC this is an ALL day story people should see the first thing in the morning and all day on the top of the page!!!!!!!!!!!

Shame on anyone who makes excuses for this being OK. Live day after day Killing other human beings and Picking up body parts for months and years then open your mouth.

Hi, Ron! LOL Is this Downeast Ron from the BDN? :)

I only go to Togus when I am very sick with heart and diabetes, and perhaps when I will be put in the graveyard, so I may see you there. You will recognize me by my tie dyed peace t shirt and my USARV hat, a supply and support unit for the US Army under MACV, which will never be reactivated, because the Republic of Vietnam no longer exists....LOL I laugh on the outside, but I cry inside.

In this review, I reference Bob Greene, the Ohio newspaper columnist/author, who still publishes on CNN, and his book called Homecoming: When the Soldiers Returned from Vietnam.

Following is my review of Jerry's book on Amazon.com

I think we all saw a different slice of the huge pie that was the Vietnam War. WELCOME HOME, COMRADE!

PS I sometimes joke that I was in the, "Woodstock Army!" LOL I took basic training at Fort Dix and was given weekend leave while Woodstock Rock Festival played, due to the poor morale in our unit, which was unusual for army basic training. Before my voluntary second tour, I sat at a drive in, smoking pot, watching WOODSTOCK, The Movie, and later bought hippie beads and went AWOL for 15 days, hitch-hiking to Fort Lewis, WA, for my second tour.

It was a very strange time to have a war. We had no embassy in China, and you could not buy SUPPORT THE TROOPS car magnets, made in China, at that time....LOL....LOL

Heard the
author promote his book on National Public Radio, several times.,
April 18, 2011

By
Roger

This
review is from: The Spitting Image: Myth, Memory, and the Legacy of
Vietnam (Paperback)

I was very upset to hear Jerry promote his book in
live interviews on National Public Radio, on more than one occasion, and hear
his interview used as a National Public Radio promo, about two years ago. I have
had e mail intercourse, of a polite nature with Jerry, and he seems like he
means well, but I strongly disagree with him.

The following book review is of a different book, HOMECOMING, by Bob Greene, which Jerry did not seem to
hold in high regard. In this review, I give my honest impression of what Jerry
had written to me in e mail that is long lost on another computer that fried
several years ago. I think Jerry has certain prejudices and biases that prevent
him from acknowledging that some of the spitting incidents actually occurred,
and that other negative incidents of a similar nature also occurred.

I have looked at some of the other customer reviews of Jerry's book, and my review
of Greene's work mimics some other comments, in that a G.I., hurrying through
any airport, after leaving the combat zone, is NOT GOING TO REPORT A SPITTING
INCIDENT, and WOULD FEEL FOOLISH IF HE DID.

I mean, women often don't report serious crimes like rape, and many men refuse to report it when women
beat, stab, or shoot them. In this small Maine hamlet, I met a man whose
girlfriend shot him in the stomach when they were living in the woods in a tent,
and he reported that he accidentally shot himself!

What combat veteran, hurrying home from a combat zone, is going to report a spitting incident? Look
at how long it took for MY LAI information to become public and official and
then I ask you, "What combat veteran is going to report a spitting incident,
call the police, and somehow, magically, have his film camera at the ready at
the exact moment somebody is going to spit on him?"

I just purchased a used copy (of Bob Greene's book, HOMECOMING: When The Soldiers Returned From
Vietnam) from Amazon for a young, male nurse, in his 40s, who has signed a
commission to be a First Lieutenant, given a stipend, and given two years to
finish his Masters Degree in Psychiatric Nursing, whereupon he will have 3 years
of active duty and 3 years in the Reserves (at least this is how he understands
it and has communicated to me).

I try to give him all the information I know about war, having studied it after coming home from my second tour in Vietnam, with a lot of anger and PTSD, in 1972. I think I am one of hundreds of
thousands (who had psychiatric problems upon returning), perhaps millions, that
our country used, led by fearful, selfish politicians, and General Officers (and
the younger officers hoping to rise in the ranks), hoping to make their military
careers.

To say I am very angry and disabled by my anger is sufficient,
and I will say I am thankful I am alive at the age of 61, getting medical care
from the VA, and NOT IN A PRISON, where I might have ended up if I had a
slightly different personality (as many Vietnam Vets are serving life sentences
in prison as I write, who were unfortunate enough not to be able to manage their
anger as well as I was; a gift of fate, I think).

I have had polite written intercourse with the famous Vietnam Veteran, Jerry Lembeke, who served
(as he wrote to me) as a Chaplain's Assistant in Bin Dihn Province, in II Corps,
operating out of Qhi Nhon, in 1969, before I arrived in Long My Valley in
December, 1969. Because nobody spit on him, he thinks that it never happened,
and is a myth. At least, this is how I understood his point of view, although he
has had at least one veteran write to him, who was spit on, who offered to spit
on Jerry.

I got the feeling that Jerry is starting to have second
thoughts, but he will have to speak for himself. I told him that, if I was spit
on, and read his book, I would have much stronger feelings than just wanting to
spit on him, BUT HOPEFULLY, I would not be acting that out. I am one veteran who
does not own a firearm, because I do not want to end up using it on someone out
of a temporary spate of anger.

I think I have personally met two veterans, in therapy at the VA, who have told me they were personally spit on.
Right now, I am reading a book about a Vietnam Veteran who turned to Buddhism
for therapy, and he says he was spit on by a young woman at the airport upon
arriving home. He says he expected her to come over and give him some sort of
welcome, and got the saliva in his face instead. His name is Claude Anshin
Thomas, and his book sits in front of me now, entitled AT HELL'S GATE.

My VET CENTER counselor from Philadelphia, Robert Brelle, now deceased
from Lupus since 12-31-99, told me that when he came back from his first tour of
duty in 1966, he was at the airport, leaned over to pick up his sea bag in his
dress greens, and some older lady came over and stubbed her ice cream cone out
on the back of his uniform (as if she was stubbing out a cigarette). Bob, who
was a Marine Dog Handler, lost his Marine Dog to heat exhaustion on a forced
march in Vietnam, and returned to Vietnam in 67-78 for a second tour as Marine
infantry.

I think he told me that on one of his tours, someone blew up
the First Sergeant's hutch in the unit he was attached to. In my second tour, in
1971-71, in what I call the 101st Heroin/Race Riot/Fragging Division at Phu Bai
Airport, one of our men threw or shot a grenade, which landed on the top of the
orderly room, not too far from where I was sleeping at night, in my room next to
the mail room at the end of the orderly room. I think the Army History Museum
says there are still several hundred murders by fragmentation grenade of senior
NCOs and Officers, still unsolved.

So for Jerry Lembcke, who doled out good
wishes as a Chaplain's assistant, to insist that there were no angry people,
spitting at veterans, seems rather silly to me, considering the long, angry war,
both at home and In-Country.

If you think about rape, and how many women
are raped, and how many women do NOT EVEN REPORT RAPES, you can imagine why
there are no actual police reports of spitting.

If you understand the macho attitude that is required of even sensitive young men like me who served at
large support bases, purposely avoiding the infantry, you would understand why
any military personnel, just home from Vietnam for a few hours or days,
traveling through the airport in California, hoping to get home and back to a
normal life, WOULD NEVER REPORT A SPITTING INCIDENT.

I was not spit on, but if I was, do you actually think I would call the police and make a
report...LOL? I mean, come on, and I respect Jerry's point of view as a human
being, BUT EVERY TIME I HEAR NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO USE HIS INTERVIEW AS A
PROMOTIONAL SPOT, I get very irritated.

I love National Public Radio, but it
seems to me that the hosts of my age group are the same people who avoided the
Vietnam War by going to college, and I guess they think that Jerry, with is
college credentials, is the guy to look to for information.

I mentioned Bob Greene's famous book to him via e mail, and his response was that because
Greene was fired from his position at the newspaper for doing exactly what Bill
Clinton, John Edwards, or Senator Strom Thurmond did, which is to act out with a
Sex and Love Addiction, made Greene's work suspect. Well, IS EVERYTHING
President Clinton, Senator Edwards, or Senator Thurmond did suspect, just
because of a sex and love addiction, having affairs with people under them?
Obviously not.

I looked at Jerry Lembecke's e mail address, and it was
from a Catholic College, apparently where he works, and I would suspect that
Jerry's morality and Christian good will as a veteran of the chaplain's corps is
allowing him to go around the country, giving interviews, claiming that nobody
was spit on. I do not say this out of malice, but it is the only conclusion I
can come to.

I met a man here when I moved to rural Maine, who stood on
the deck of his aircraft carrier, in his dress white uniform, as it passed under
the Golden Gate bridge in 1973, coming home from a tour of duty off the coast of
Vietnam, who had eggs dropped upon him from above.

So I will finish this tirade
of mine by saying that there is a lot of cover up and false information given
out about any war, and I must say that I really respect the book Bob Greene
published, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart. Roger J Stavitz,
currently living in Danforth, Maine.

I am a combat veteran (been in the Army for 12 years) of two Iraq deployments and since returning from the last 4 years ago I have been stuck in a neverending loop of dr.'s and undergoing a medical board for back, knees, neck injuries and PTSD. The Dr. who was writing my summary which will determine my disability percentage rating and continuing care with the VA when I get out refused to rate me for PTSD, I asked to record the exam on an ipod 4 the TBI clinic gave me for recording meetings because of degraded memory functions and he refused to do my case, got all defensive and has started sending me emails insinuating that I do not have PTSD, nor could I because I would not be able to defend myself verbally from his statements had I a problem. Like he thinks it makes you retarded or brain damaged for having. Anyway the whole process of being medically seperated from the military and especially admitting you have a problem with PTSD/TBI is the most humiliating experience you can imagine. All the dr.'s who have never deployed to or done anything dangerous play god with our futures and make you feel worthless for having to claim PTSD. If anyone is interested I can give tem the email traffic. I have already contacted my congresswoman but I don't know if they can do anything about it.

Nate Gordon SGT U.S. Army

A Marine's story of PTSD from the Vietnam War - ebook - The Boy Died In Vietnam. If it wasn't for a fellow Marine Vet I might not be here today...please help vets get into treatment if they are suffering from their war service.

Brian Scott Ostrom and others in all walks of life that have PTSD, let me tell you that you can live with the brain damage.

I had a problem when I came home with loud noises, I got insanely angry and could not do math problems that required any depth of concentration as I started to remember things that I had put away and tried not to remember. I did lots of stupid sh!t that I will not post here, but when my Father told me I needed to go to the VA and talk to someone, I did. I spent 2 years in couseling and meetings with other vets that have PTSD. These guys were older and had been in Korea and Vietnam.

What I learned from these old guys in these meetings was that you can LIVE with PTSD. YOU have to control that monkey and from time to time when the monkey gets loose and you lose control, remember that tomorrow is another day.

It goes like this, something triggers adrenaline in your brain. The serotonin that normally is produced by the hipacampus (can't spell it) in the brain to counter the adrenaline has been damaged by too much use in combat or stress. That means things that would normally be blown off get a supercharged dose of adrenaline and if you don't realize what is happening, you can do some really stupid sh!t, like kicking in a guys window at an intersection and trying to kill the driver. Not that the idiot didn't deserve it for driving like an idiot, BUT this could easily ended up with me in prison. Not good.

MY POINT is that if you realize that you are starting to get nerved or angry, YOU need to get out of that situation and calm down. After you calm down, you WILL get depressed. This also is normal. Just enjoy the ride and live on for another day.

ALSO avoid places where you can get in trouble. STAY out of bars. Avoid places where you might run into a$$holes that might p!ss you off. If you are fighting with a loved one, GET AWAY...WALK away. Go around the block and cool down. If they can't respect your injury just because it doesn't show on the outside, get away from them. If you want to drink, do it in moderation, AT HOME and only with someone you trust.

I also recommend going to the VA meetings and as painful as it is, once you tell your story over and over again, eventually you will come to some sort of peace with it.

And last thing, get a hair cut and clean yourself up. Life is hard enought with out calling attention to the fact that you have an injury.

Best to you.

The best way I can put it is that

As a child, it was movies of wars. It never seeked in that it was real. Not until I was in Vietnam. I seen so many American dead soldiers. At times at least three flat beds with bodies laying on them outside. The morgue was full and couldn't keep up. I was there during TET. Put on assignment putting bodies in body bags. Some in the field so long, you had to pry their arms and legs, where you could get them in a body bag. Some without arms, legs. Stories like this, that you don't tell your kids or others. When you come home, your faced with protestors, so what is the use on trusting anyone that really cares. It's hard to realize how any of these kids cope after 2-3-4 and 5 tours in a war zone. It was only one year for me and while changing, I survived just fine. These stories you hear from these kids coming back from Afghastan and Iraq are real stories. I realize for the non-vets, it's hard on understanding. Being they are volunteers, should not be an excuse on condemning them. They are American humans just like all of us. I'm glad the mother talked on this blog, telling her story of her son committing suicide. I can't even imagine such pains she holds from within. Listen to their stories, for each is different and real. It's not just a movie.